Cloud Strife (soldierrebirth) wrote,
Cloud Strife

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Waking up in the corner of the hotel room after curling up in a ball and pining for attention the night before is not fun. I feel awful, but not because I have a hang-over (Mom never got them and passed that on to I'm sort of SOLDIER). I made a complete ass of myself when I didn't even mean to, but how I got convinced to drink is still beyond me. I never drink unless I get the taste of it in my mouth, but I was only drinking water and coke...

Oh, and I'm in the dog-house again. I think this time in much worse than last time, and I get the sinking feeling that I am getting yelled at. I deserve it for sure from Zahna, since... I was pretty rude and flirty the night before... okay, flirty is the wrong word there as I was outrightly proposing the idea of sex. This is why I don't get drunk and if I do... it's with Zack.

I think I was on edge last night too, which doesn't help my behaviour. I think being less social is in order, since I am apparently getting myself more and more in trouble the more I try to fix things. Apparently Marlene freaked out at Zahna while I was in the bathroom, and Tifa freaked out at her while I was standing nearby. It makes it *really* hard to go "home" and enjoy the company of others when I have to constantly watch Zahna and make sure she doesn't get cornered.

The worst thing about the morning after is that 9 times out of 10 I'm very depressed. Given the ammunition I remember from last night... I can see why I am. Maybe Zahna will just stab me in the face and save me the humiliation and depression.

I know I did very bad things last night, and you had to save my ass from doing more humiliating things... I'm really sorry. I never planned on drinking! I swear that I didn't, but... I don't know why I suddenly got the craving. Still... it's not excuse for my behaviour. I'm still sorry.

I will come around when I can. I hope the rest of your evening went well.
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